in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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