Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
