Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
