i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
