Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
