It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
