Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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