I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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