dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
