so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
