I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
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Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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