I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
