things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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