I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
