Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
