Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
