Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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