FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
