She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
