Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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