i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
