Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Terrible idea I love it
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
