Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
