maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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