im about as happy as oj after his trial
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
