last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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