Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
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all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
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My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize