I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I wish there were birth control emojis
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
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