If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Brb crying the tears of my youth
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
