I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
