Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
then he tried to convert me to islam
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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