i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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