i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
