we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
