These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
