The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
