I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
