Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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