My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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