I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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