I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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