I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Barsexuality is the new black.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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