I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Randomize
