I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
