he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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