fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
