this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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