You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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