Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
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They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
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I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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