i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
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The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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