i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
