Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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