You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize