I'm lost and stupid without you.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
