then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
