Michael Bay diarrhea
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
