just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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