He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
