u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
