the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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