speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
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I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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