I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
and i looked up. we had an audience...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
