is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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