My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
