i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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