Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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