Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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