Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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