so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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