he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
