Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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