So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
did you just send me my own nude
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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