And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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