and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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