He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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