It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
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It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
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The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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