You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Fuck appropriateness.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
