My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
so much tequila, so little girl.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
