I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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